Who's the boss here?

So yeah, I've been a mom for 30 years and that makes me feel old. Hard to look back to my life Before Children (BC) and remember how I felt, what I imagined this journey would be like and in my wildest imagination, couldn't have fathomed such high highs and such low lows in my life as a mother.

Granted, my low lows have mostly been about my own personal failings to see something, to detect a problem in one of my kids and the self-berating that ensued as a result. I could only hope to not repeat my mistake, at least not with the same kid, and hope I didn't do too much damage.

It's true that each child comes into the world kind of, for lack of a more sophisticated term, half-baked. That is, they arrive with their own set of quirky behaviors, unusual personalities. Angry or not, gentle or not and it is up to us to nurture the positive aspects and gently guide them away from the harmful ones - if we can.

And every time you think you're so damn smart and have that rather smug "I've dealt with THIS before," well, you haven't. At least probably not with this kid. What works with one, doesn't necessarily work with all. That said, don't worry...there's still hope. Every kid, no matter what type of personality they show up with, needs love, unconditional support and discipline. And it's up to us to know how to do that with each child and more importantly, when.

I always felt that "going back to basics" works for most scenarios. The three areas of which we never have and never will have control is when and how they sleep, when and how they use the bathroom and how they choose to feed themselves. This is as true at 2 years old as it is at 16 years old. Hell, I even had this conversation with my 30 year old and let me tell you that that didn't go too well either. So they do have us rather painted into a corner and once you accept that as a fact, you proceed with the knowledge that yours are merely suggestions and that the child will always, always have the say in those three areas. Sleep, poop, food. Not necessarily in that order.

My job as their mom was to guide, cajole (yes, depending on the mood, that can work) and ultimately accept and things go much smoother. Provide the tools and then get out of their way, I always say. And we can't take it too personally, as this is not about us, but about them asserting their right to their own bodies, even at the age of two. Especially at the age of two.

And when your kid is thirty and you think he's eating too much cheese and you have the audacity to tell him so, you deserve what's coming to you. I mean, to me.