One of my favorite actresses, Susan Sarandon once said, “When I turn 80, I’d like to know that my life has been completely spent. I’d like to know that I’ve loved, I’ve help the world become a better place, that my kids are happy, that I’ve tried.”
Damn I love her thinking.
For 30 years, I have been consumed with watching as my kids grow up and then as we know happens, move out. The idea of their happiness still fills my thoughts and my heart. Some things never change. It’s like one of those old-fashioned jobs where people stayed with the same company for their whole lives, giving it their all & remaining loyal and focused. I don’t need the proverbial gold watch because watching them really is its own reward for a job I believe I executed well.
But I do remember going to social gatherings years ago & being asked ‘So, what do you do?” What a weird question, if you think about it. If I really told them what I was doing on a daily basis, it would have taken hours. Suffice to say that when I responded with “I’m a stay-at-home mom”, I would watch their eyes immediately scour the room for someone, something more interesting than me. What could I possibly contribute to a normal, intelligent adult conversation if I wasn’t out in the work world actually pulling a salary. No co-workers, no admin assistant to dump off my paperwork, no boss about which to complain. I was simply raising and nurturing my four charges, tending to their every need and trying to mold them into the best and happiest people I possibly could. Try putting that into a concise, party-friendly response.
I am happy with my work. I liked my job back then and even today I am always in awe of how the job has morphed and changed and continues to challenge me.. It sometimes feels like a moving target, but I think I’ve got the formula now.
So I’m with Sarandon here. Like her, I have loved and done so more intensely than I ever thought possible. Her last wish, hoping “that I’ve tried” touched me because I know that I try harder to be a good parent than I’ve ever tried anything else in my life. And that’s all I really have- the trying - because I figure if I care that intensely and for that long about something, it’s sure to come out extraordinarily well.
I think you've done more than "try." You've learned, you've grown, you've adapted and you've changed (even when it was forced upon you). And you've got the evidence of a job insanely well done in the form of four well-adjusted (though oddly all very loud) young adults who, by the way, also think you've done well. So you and Susan Sarandon, you're peas in a pod.
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